


all i want is for that to be okay

by GallifreyanFairytale



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic, Coming Out, Gen, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Nonbinary Ashlyn Caswell, Spin the Bottle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22669783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: EJ spends the last half of his senior year trying to figure out himself and his feelings, and with a little help from both old friends and new ones, he manages to be okay with what he finds.
Relationships: Ashlyn Caswell & E.J. Caswell, E.J. Caswell & Everyone, E.J. Caswell & Rico, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	all i want is for that to be okay

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is the longest one shot i've ever written and yes it is centered around a character i only started kind of liking during the last episode and no i do not have anything else to say for myself.
> 
> (featuring background seblos, gini, redky, and kourtlyn)

Ricky looks devastated when he shows up to auditions for the spring musical. EJ figures it’s because Nini is at YAC and therefore won’t be doing the show (honestly, EJ hadn’t expected Ricky to even show up since she was gone), but then he overhears someone mention a breakup. And when EJ really _looks_ at how puffy and red Ricky’s eyes are, he figures he knows who broke up. 

During the break, EJ finds Ashlyn, who is whispering with Gina and Seb. When Seb sees EJ, they slip away and EJ can only assume they’ve gone to find Carlos. 

“What’s up with Ricky?” EJ asks, because he figures that’s better than assuming he and Nini broke up right off the bat. “Is he okay?”

“Why do you care?” Gina spits at him, and EJ takes a step back. Why _does_ he care? He stopped trying to get Nini back after the fall musical ended, so why does it matter to him why Ricky seems so upset?

“Nini broke up with him,” Ashlyn responds quietly. “She was in town this weekend and I guess she said she couldn’t do long distance and she knows Ricky deserves someone who can really be there for him. Plus she’s really stressed with schoolwork and stuff at YAC.”

EJ shoots a glance over at Ricky, who looks more sad than any breakup had ever left EJ feeling. 

Miss Jenn shouts that break is over in exactly one minute, and Gina drags Ashlyn away, leaving EJ with an unpleasant feeling settling in his stomach. He looks at Ricky again, who sniffles, wipes a tear, and stands up to make his way back onto the stage. 

\---

The cast list is posted the day after auditions, and EJ is expecting Gaston or Cogsworth, so when he stops by to see, he’s shocked to see his name listed across from _Beast/Prince Adam_. And even more shocking (although maybe not, considering Miss Jenn’s choices for Troy and Gabriella), Kourtney’s name is listed across from _Belle_.

EJ scans the list. Ricky is Lumiere, Ashlyn is Mrs. Potts, Gina is Babette, Seb is Gaston, and the list goes on. EJ’s phone buzzes and he sees texts from Ashlyn and Gina congratulating him on getting the lead. EJ puts his phone away and looks back up at the cast list, and he doesn’t feel like he deserves the role he got. He figures he got it because he’s a senior, so this is his last show and his last chance for a lead. Honestly, he would have preferred getting Gaston and giving the role of the Beast to someone more deserving, like Seb or Ricky or Ashlyn or Gina. Not that Miss Jenn would have cast a girl as the Beast, but still.

\---

Rehearsals start and EJ finds he likes his role more as time goes on. Carlos has a heart-to-heart with him a week in, explaining that Miss Jenn cast him as the Beast because he _deserved it_ , not because he’s a senior or because they felt bad for him or anything else.

So EJ starts working harder, putting more effort into the show and his character alike, and Kourtney seems taken aback by his sudden change.

And then Carlos decides they’re going to rehearse the scene where Belle and Adam kiss, and EJ considers faking sick to get out of it. But he doesn’t, because he doesn’t want to let Miss Jenn and the rest of the cast down. So he sticks with it and he kisses Kourtney and it’s different than he was expecting. EJ isn’t sure if it’s a good different or a bad different.

When they break apart, Kourtney has a strange glint in her eyes and a weird smile on her face, and EJ wonders if his face looks similar to hers.

Miss Jenn claps her hands together, interrupting EJ’s thoughts. “That was wonderful! Take a five and we’ll come back and run the scene from the top!"

Kourtney doesn’t say anything to EJ; she just stands up and rushes over to Bianca, pulling her out of the bomb shelter to God knows where. EJ wipes his mouth before he can think better of it and goes to sit with Ashlyn and Gina.

“So that happened, huh?” Gina teases, elbowing EJ’s side lightly. “How was it?”

How was the kiss? It felt different than kissing Nini, and he’s not sure if it’s because it was lacking something or it had something new. “It was…” EJ doesn’t know what word to use to fill in the blank.

“Sweet?” Ashlyn supplies.

“Sure,” EJ lies.

\---

Eventually, EJ decides he probably has a crush on Kourtney. She’s pretty and she has a beautiful voice and he really likes having her as a scene partner. And she definitely won’t reciprocate those feelings because she’s Nini’s best friend and EJ is Nini’s ex, and that’s probably against the Girl Code.

But Nini has been distancing herself from everyone at East High, including Kourtney. At least, that’s what Kourtney tells him after rehearsal one day when she’s waiting on her mom to pick her up. Ashlyn and Gina walked to Subway to get sandwiches because Miss Jenn had asked EJ and Kourtney to stay late to work on a song, so EJ is waiting for them.

“She’s probably just busy with homework and theatre,” EJ tries to reason, because Nini doesn’t seem like the kind of person to just cut off all her friends. Then again, she broke up with Ricky after maybe three months of them being back together because long distance was too hard for her, so who knows.

Kourtney shrugs and sighs. “I don’t know.” She looks up at him and tilts her head. “You know, when Nini said you two had started dating, I was confused about what she could possibly see in you. But I think I’m starting to get it now. You’re a lot nicer than you let people believe, EJ.”

“Thanks?” He’s not sure if it’s a compliment or not. He’s not sure Kourtney has any idea what she’s talking about.

And then Kourtney says the last thing EJ is expecting her to say to him: “Do you want to go to Winter Formal with me?”

Formal is two weeks away - the second Sunday in February - so most everyone has a partner. EJ was planning on spending the evening with Gina and Ashlyn, who both wanted to go and needed him to drive them.

EJ smiles without telling himself to, which is a good sign, and he accepts the offer.

\---

Two days before formal, EJ is at Ashlyn’s house to help her and Gina decide which makeup looks they should go with, and Gina asks how many people EJ thinks could fit into his car.

“I mean, five if the three in the back are okay being a little squished,” EJ answers. He picks up a bottle of pastel pink nail polish and looks at the label.

“Do we have time to pick up a fifth person?”

Ashlyn and EJ are both caught off guard by this, and EJ is surprised Ashlyn didn’t already know. “Who?” they chorus.

“Um.” Gina looks at the ground, watching her fingers tap against it. “So Nini is going to be in town until Tuesday, ‘cause she has Monday off of school, and…”

“You want to go to formal with Nini?” Ashlyn asks, eyes wide.

“I just miss her!” Gina explains. “And I know everyone else does too. Even if she’s been trying to distance herself from us. She said she feels bad about it, and she’s not trying to choose her YAC friends over us; it just really hurts to stay in touch with us because she wishes she were here or we were there.” Gina looks up, her eyes pleading. “I know it’ll probably just cause a bunch of drama we don’t need, but on the off chance that it doesn’t and Nini is able to fix her friendships before going back to YAC… Wouldn’t that be worth it?”

\---

After picking Kourtney up, EJ heads to Nini’s house. Kourtney’s dress is deep purple and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Gina’s dress is pink, and Ashlyn is wearing a suit that almost matches EJ’s. 

Once they arrive at Nini’s house, Nini’s moms force them to all climb out of the car and take group pictures. Nini thanks EJ for driving her. She doesn’t say a word to Kourtney.

At the dance, Kourtney and EJ sit next to each other. Gina, Nini, and Ashlyn sit at their table too, but they distance themselves. EJ sees Red and Ricky start to approach them, see Nini, then turn to go sit with the Ramirez twins and Kaden.

Seb and Carlos do come and sit with them, rushing up to Nini and pulling her into a hug. They talk excitedly until a slow song comes on, and Carlos pulls Seb to the dance floor. Gina checks her phone. Nini looks at her fingernails. Ashlyn picks at the tablecloth.

“Do you want to dance?” Kourtney asks EJ.

“Oh,” EJ says, hating how dumb he sounds. “Yeah. Sure.” He stands up and leads Kourtney to the dance floor.

Dancing with Kourtney feels comfortable because they’ve done it enough at rehearsal that it comes naturally. And when Kourtney leans in, EJ does the same until their feet still and they’re kissing in the middle of the dance floor, and EJ reminds himself that this is the part where he and Kourtney start dating. And then Nini hates them both even more than she already does.

They break apart and Kourtney lets out a breath. She blinks once. Twice.

“What was that?” she asks.

“I don’t know.”

“I like you.”

“I like you too.”

And then they’re kissing again.

When the song ends, they head back to the table. Nini and Gina are gone, and Ashlyn is on their phone. “So,” they say without looking up, “are you two finally dating or what?”

“ _F_ _inally_?” Kourtney questions.

Ashlyn glances up. “Come, this theatre department is infamous for showmances. Ricky and Nini, Lauryn and Thomas, James and Claire, Troy and Gabriella, the list goes on. Obviously you two were going to end up together.”

EJ doesn’t mention that Ricky and Nini’s showmance was not exactly one to look up to, and he doesn’t mention that Thomas left Lauryn for some college girl, and he doesn’t mention that Troy and Gabriella weren’t actually real students at East High. Instead, he looks out at the dance floor and sees Gina and Nini dancing together. He sees Seb and Carlos dancing together. He sees Ricky and Red standing against the wall, laughing so hard they’re leaning on each other for support. He sees Bianca, Rico, and Kaden trying to play a three-way game of Rock Paper Scissors. He sees Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara at the snack table, either arguing or flirting or both. He sees everyone looking as happy as he’s supposed to be feeling.

\---

It’s two weeks before EJ realizes that his entire relationship with Kourtney is very wrong. He doesn't like her, and he’s pretty sure she doesn’t like him. Not romantically, at least.

Sure enough, before EJ can break up with Kourtney, Kourtney holds him back after rehearsal and breaks up with him, saying she’s realized that she’s a lesbian and she doesn’t want to lead him on and she’s really, _really_ , sorry.

“No, no, don’t feel bad,” EJ says. “I’m not mad. I was going to break up with you tomorrow because I…” EJ scratches the back of his neck, “I don’t think I really have romantic feelings for you either. I think we just got too caught up in our characters.”

Kourtney’s worried expression fades into a smile, and she lets out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” She holds out her hand, “So we’re still friends, right?”

EJ shakes her hand. “Still friends. And we’re still gonna absolutely kill it as Belle and the Beast.”

“Hell yeah we are!”

\---

The show creeps closer, and Nini seems to have made up with Kourtney and Ricky because she shows up to rehearsal on the first day of tech week (which coincides with her spring break) and Kourtney and Ricky are the first ones to drop everything and run over to her. Red and Gina are right behind them, and soon everyone is group hugging Nini until Miss Jenn tells them they need to focus and Carlos agrees, ordering everyone back to their spots. Nini follows Red up to the sound and light booth and the rehearsal resumes.

After rehearsal is over, someone suggests they go get ice cream. Ashlyn calls dibs on shotgun in EJ’s car, and Gina, Kourtney, Seb, and Carlos all somehow manage to cram into the back seat. Ashlyn hooks her phone up to the speaker and then the High School Musical soundtrack is blasting so loud EJ is sure everyone else on the road can hear it, but none of them care.

Everyone spills out of EJ’s car just as Red pulls into the parking lot. Ricky gets out of the passenger seat, and Nini, Kaden, Bianca, and Rico all climb out of the back. Everyone else had homework to do or parents who wanted them home.

They parade into the ice cream parlor and claim a few tables with their jackets and bags before getting in line to order.

EJ ends up sitting in between Kourtney and Ashlyn, across from Ricky, Red, and Nini. When Gina approaches them, she pulls a chair up to the end of the table, seated between Ashlyn and Nini. They talk about whatever topics come to mind. Nini tells them about YAC and how their production of Cinderella went. Kourtney, Ricky, and Red all apparently went to see it and they gush about how incredible Nini was as the Fairy Godmother. Nini says they have one more play coming up before the school year ends, in May, and Gina and Ashlyn beg EJ to drive them to see it. He says he’ll think about it, but he knows that if their parents give them the okay, he’s definitely making the drive to Colorado.

On the drive back home, EJ catches Gina holding Nini’s hand, but he doesn’t say anything.

\---

He drops Kourtney off first, and then Gina and Nini, because Gina is spending the night at Nini’s house. Then it’s just him and Ashlyn.

When he shifts into park in Ashlyn’s driveway, he looks over at his cousin. “Ashlyn?”

“Yeah?” They ask, reaching to unbuckle their seat belt. “Is everything okay?”

“...How did you know you were a lesbian?”

Ashlyn looks at EJ, eyebrows furrowed, for several moments. “I mean… I don’t know. I guess just… after kissing Red, I knew something wasn’t right. I knew that couldn’t be what kissing was supposed to be like, because it was about the furthest from _magical_ that you can get. So I did a lot of thinking and I realized that I probably just don’t like boys like _that_ , and then I felt like I was free. Like I didn’t have to pretend I wanted to marry a guy someday, so I knew that label must be right.”

EJ nods slowly, letting Ashlyn’s words wash over him. He thinks he understands what Ashlyn means, and it kind of scares him. Because he knows, in theory, he should have like kissing Nini and he should have liked kissing Kourtney and he should have liked kissing the other girlfriends he’d had in the past, but he didn’t. He knows they’re pretty, he knows they’re nice, he knows they’re exactly the kind of girls he should want to date and kiss and love forever, but EJ just can’t force himself to enjoy being with any of them. When they’re just friends, it’s fine. But once romance gets involved? EJ just wants to back out.

“It’s okay to be gay, EJ,” Ashlyn tells him. They reach over and put their hand on top of his. “You know I’m always here for you, right?”

EJ nods, but he can’t make himself speak. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be gay; it’s that something still feels a little wrong.

\---

Tech week flies by and EJ finds himself talking to Kaden more and more. Mostly because everyone else besides the two of them seems to have someone they prefer. Ricky is always with Red, Ashlyn is always with Gina and Kourtney, Carlos is always with Seb, Bianca is always with Rico, and so on.

So Kaden helps EJ drill his lines until EJ could recite them in his sleep and EJ helps Kaden make sure he can hit the rights notes while also keeping in time with the choreography in _Be Our Guest_ and _Belle_ , and EJ likes spending time with Kaden. He really does. They get along well, and EJ supposes that this could be the beginnings of another crush. Or just _a_ crush. 

After the opening night performance, Kaden is the first one EJ looks for. They hug and EJ wants to go find Nini to thank her for coming, but Kaden pulls him into an empty hallway and leads EJ to his locker.

“I got something for you,” he says, opening the locker door and pulling out a bouquet of flowers. EJ’s heart jumps and he breaks into a smile. Yes, he must have a crush on Kaden, he decides as he takes the bouquet.

“Thank you,” he says softly. He doesn’t want to break this like he broke his friendships with Nini and Kourtney. Not that Nini and Kourtney aren’t his friends anymore, but it’s different. 

They meet back up with everyone else and Nini pulls EJ into a hug he isn’t expecting, telling him he was incredible and she can’t imagine there could possibly be anyone who could play the Beast better. EJ thanks her, and before he can say anything else, she’s being dragged away by Gina into a conversation with Seb and Carlos, who are both holding bouquets tied together with a rainbow ribbon.

EJ looks down at his own bouquet of flowers. If he doesn’t have a crush on Kaden, he’s not going to have a crush on anyone. Kaden is nice, Kaden is not a girl, and he’s everything EJ should want in a significant other.

\---

As is custom, the theatre kids all end up at Denny’s after the show. Nini is invited to come along as an honorary member, and no one objects to that.

EJ sits next to Kaden, who entwines their fingers under the table, and EJ doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t want to, and that realization makes his heart flutter. Maybe he’s finally figured himself out? Would that be too much to hope for?

Ashlyn shoots him a teasing glance when Kaden leans his head on EJ’s shoulder, and EJ texts them, _You can’t talk when Kourtney has been clinging to you all night_. Ashlyn glares at him after reading the message and doesn’t respond other than that. Kourtney tells Ashlyn to feel how cold her hands are, and EJ smirks to himself. He’s really happy for both of them, because he knows they both deserve a girlfriend who is good for them.

At the other end of the table, Red, Ricky, Nini, and Gina are playing Pictionary on the back of a kid’s menu they dared Seb to ask for. Bianca is trying to throw tomatoes from her salad into Carlos’ mouth while Seb and Rico roll their eyes. Seb dodges one of the tomatoes, then scolds Bianca for almost hitting him. 

EJ likes where he is right now, and it’s been a long time since he’s felt so at peace with his life, so he figures this must be happiness.

\---

After their second show, EJ gives Kaden flowers and in his _thank you_ , Kaden blurts out that he has a crush on EJ. EJ confesses back to Kaden, because he’s sure he has a crush for real this time, and by the end of the conversation, one of them has asked the other to be their boyfriend. Although, EJ can’t remember who actually did the asking.

EJ and Kaden are together for three weeks and two days before Kaden kisses him, and EJ’s world seems to shatter around him, because it doesn’t feel different.

Kaden kisses him, and EJ kisses back because that’s what he’s supposed to do, but there are no sparks flying and it doesn’t feel right, and EJ still does not understand what the big deal about kissing is. He knows it’s supposed to be something people actually _like_ doing, but he doesn’t. It’s something that feels like a chore, like it’s expected of him, like he has to take on some other character who _does_ like kissing whenever he’s in a relationship. 

Four days later, EJ breaks up with Kaden. He doesn’t want to lead Kaden on, because Kaden is a good guy and he deserves someone better than EJ, someone who can feel things right and fully and doesn’t have to pretend whenever they kiss. 

It hurts more than any of EJ’s previous breakups, but he knows he can’t pretend this time. He loves Kaden, but he doesn’t seem to love him in the right way. He doesn’t seem to love _anyone_ in the right way. Maybe EJ is just too self-absorbed, like Ashlyn and Gina like to joke about him being (although it definitely used to be more than a joke), or maybe EJ just still needs to find the right person. But Nini, Kourtney, _and_ Kaden all seemed to have all the qualities EJ’s ‘perfect person’ would have.

EJ considers the self-obsessed theory longer than he should. He wonders if he’s too much like Narcissus until he remembers how far he’s come from who he was at the beginning of the school year. He was happy for Ricky and Nini when they got back together, he was happy for Nini when she got into YAC, he was happy for Kourtney when she got Belle, and he had been expecting Seb to get the lead because he genuinely thought Seb deserved it. So no, EJ is not Narcissus, and he’s been in relationships with people who fit all of his highest expectations. ...Except for one.

He wants a significant other who doesn’t want to kiss him.

\---

The day after the breakup, Ashlyn shows up on EJ’s doorstep, and EJ doesn’t know what to do besides let them inside. EJ’s parents are at work or at the store or the gym or... _wherever_ , so he’s home alone.

Ashlyn sits down on the couch. “Why’d you break up with Kaden?”

“It wasn’t going to work out,” EJ answers, sitting down in the recliner across the room from Ashlyn. “I didn’t want to lead him on.” He shrugs, “Besides, I’m leaving for college in August, and Kaden’s a junior. If Ricky and Nini didn’t work out as a long distance relationship, why would Kaden and I?” EJ is proud of himself for coming up with the college excuse.

“Hm.” Ashlyn curls a strand of hair around their finger. “So it’s not because you were experimenting, trying to figure out if you’re gay or not, and once he kissed you and you realized you weren’t _actually_ into guys, you decided to leave him in the dust?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Because that’s what Kaden seems to think happened.”

EJ sighs. That’s not it. Okay, well, it kind of _is_ it, but EJ still doesn’t have an answer to his _Am I gay or not?_ question. He’s not any closer to figuring out who he is. He’s just frustrated and disappointed with himself.

“I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Have you ever kissed anyone?”

Ashlyn tilts their head, looking deep into EJ, and EJ hopes his face doesn’t give away any of the thoughts in his mind. Finally, they say, “You mean besides Red?”

Oh. Right. “Yeah.”

“Um.” It seems to EJ that he isn’t the only one keeping secrets. “I didn’t… I wasn’t going to tell you.”

That just confuses EJ even more.

“Kourtney sort of, _kind of_ , kissed me last week.”

EJ’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t have time to unpack _that_ situation right now. “Okay. Well, when you and Kourtney kissed, did you like it? Regardless of whether you like her or not, did you enjoy kissing just... _someone_?”

Ashlyn hesitates, then nods.

“I don’t get it.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Kissing,” EJ elaborates. “I don’t get it. Every time I kiss someone, I think, _‘This is going to be it. This is the time sparks fly and it all makes sense and I finally understand why people actually like kissing and don’t just do it because they feel like they have to’_ . But it never is. Kissing just… it makes me uncomfortable. And I know I sound like I never grew out of that phase you have when you’re in third grade and kissing seems disgusting and you scrunch your nose and groan when your parents do it, but I don’t know _how_ to grow out of that phase.” He sighs and sits back, throwing his hands up in defeat. “I thought maybe it was just that way with girls, so yes, I guess I was kind of using Kaden to experiment, but I also really _did_ think I liked him. I liked holding his hand and going on dates to fancy restaurants and doing that pretend-to-yawn-but-really-you’re-putting-your-arm-around-them thing at the movies. Physical touch doesn’t bother me, but when it gets too romantic, I just get weirded out and I don’t want to be around them anymore.”

Ashlyn is quiet for too long, their expression unreadable. EJ can tell they’re thinking, _really_ thinking, about what he’s said. When they finally do speak, they speak lightly, carefully, like walking on eggshells. “EJ, have you ever heard of the term aromantic?”

EJ has not heard that word before, so he shakes his head.

“I can’t speak from personal experience, because I’m not aromantic, but that really sounds like what you’re describing. It’s one of the identities in the LGBTQ+ community, and it’s essentially a lack of romantic attraction. And just like being gay or bi or pan, it’s not bad. It’s just different. ...Don’t tell him I told you this, but if you want to know more about it, you could ask Rico.”

EJ considers Ashlyn’s suggestion only for a brief moment before he shakes his head, and then he’s angry at his cousin for even suggesting that. How can someone just _not_ be romantically interested in anyone? “No,” he tells them, “that isn’t me.”

“EJ, I just--”

“No!” he shouts, and he feels bad for the disappointment and hurt written all over Ashlyn’s face, but he can’t be _that_. He can’t be. “Go away.”

Ashlyn does. They stand up, and they walk out the door. EJ peers out the window, seeing that Kaden is the one who drove them here. He’s standing against his car. Gina gets out of the back seat and runs up and hugs Ashlyn. She says something, and Ashlyn just shakes their head sadly. 

EJ closes the curtain and tells Alexa to play music and turn it all the way up. He doesn’t need a new label to think about right now; he has college decisions to make and AP tests to study for.

\---

A month later, Ashlyn and Gina join Ricky, Red, and Kourtney on their trip to YAC to see Nini’s last show of the year. EJ doesn’t go along because he hasn’t spoken to Ashlyn any more than saying _hi_ when they pass each other in the hallway, and because he’s shut himself off from all of his theatre friends, opting to hang out with the water polo team instead. _They_ don’t try to convince him there’s something wrong with him, and _they_ don’t try to push a label EJ doesn’t want onto him.

A week after they go see Nini’s show, there’s a lock-in planned with all the theatre kids, and Nini makes a trip to East High to join in. EJ doesn’t want to go, but Gina and Ashlyn need a ride (or, they _say_ they need a ride, but EJ is pretty sure they’re just forcing him to go), so he ends up in the theatre with all of the people he’s been ignoring for the past month and nowhere else to go.

Miss Jenn is technically supervising them, but she is far too trusting, so she’s working in her office and leaving them to their own devices in the theatre. Bianca suggests Spin the Bottle, and EJ can’t opt out of the game without looking suspicious. So he sits in between Bianca and Lauryn.

Seb and Carlos are allowed to just sit and watch the game, because they’re in a relationship and they don’t want to kiss other people. Bianca also adds that if she or Rico get each other, or if EJ and Ashlyn get each other, they have to spin again because, “We do not condone incest in this drama department”. EJ agrees, but he’d much rather have to kiss Ashlyn on the cheek or the forehead than kiss anyone else here on the lips.

Ricky goes first, and the bottle lands on Red, who is seated next to him. They both go beet red and EJ wonders if maybe their affection towards each other over the past several months has been more than platonic. Ricky cups Red’s cheek and leans in slowly, and EJ is positive Spin the Bottle kisses don’t need to be any longer than a split second, but Red and Ricky don’t seem too intent on ending their kiss any time soon.

Ashlyn, who is seated on Red’s other side, clears their throat and Red and Ricky break apart. Ricky mumbles a, _“No homo,”_ under his breath and Red seems to almost laugh at that. EJ is sure they must have liked kissing each other, if they were kissing for that long, and at that realization, his stomach turns upside down.

Red spins the bottle next, and it lands on Nini. Their kiss is short, and they both look a little weirded out after it. They both look how EJ feels after kissing someone. But clearly _they’ve_ both had kisses they actually enjoy.

Ashlyn has to kiss Kourtney, which they don’t seem at all disappointed by. Gina has to kiss Ricky, which she does seem to be a little disappointed by. Rico has to kiss Gina, Bianca has to kiss Ashlyn, and then it’s EJ’s turn to spin. As he watches the bottle, he doesn’t know who he’s hoping it’ll land on. He thinks maybe it would be okay if it landed on Kourtney, since they’ve kissed before and they know they don’t like each other, but he isn’t so lucky.

The bottle lands on Rico, and Bianca scoots back out of the way so they can reach each other.

EJ looks at Rico and sees the same expression of dread he feels, and he remembers what Ashlyn said about Rico right after dropping the word _aromantic_ on him. EJ tries to forget it and he leans in, pressing his lips to Rico’s.

It’s over as soon as it begins, and they both go back to their spots. Lauryn reaches out and spins the bottle. EJ only vaguely registers her moving in the direction of Red and Ricky as his eyes burn a hole in the floor. He suddenly can’t stop thinking about Ashlyn’s suggestion again, mostly because it makes too much sense.

Nini spins next, and she has to kiss Gina, which they both seem to enjoy a lot more than EJ thinks they should. Kourtney has to kiss Bianca, then Kaden has to kiss Gina, and then the game is over and EJ is very grateful he only had to kiss one person.

Then Ricky suggests they play Cards Against Humanity, and most everyone agrees. Rico dips without saying where he’s going, and Lauryn says she has a homework assignment due by midnight, so she’s going to finish that.

“I’m gonna go see if I can work the projector so we can watch a movie,” EJ says because he _really_ doesn’t feel like playing Cards Against Humanity right now. A few people acknowledge him with an _“Okay”_ , so EJ makes his way up to the sound and light booth. 

Rico is already there looking at his phone when EJ reaches the top of the spiral staircase. Rico looks up at him. “Oh. Uh, I can go somewhere else.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” EJ says. “I was just going to see if I could get the projector to work so we can watch a movie.”

Rico moves out of the way. “Be my guest.” EJ isn’t sure if the _Beauty and the Beast_ reference is on purpose or not, but he supposes it doesn’t really matter. “I just hate that game,” Rico confesses. “It makes me super uncomfortable. And I know, every other high schooler _loves_ it, but I just…” Rico makes a disgusted face, “I can’t stand it.”

“I get what you mean.” EJ logs into the computer and starts trying to get it to connect to the internet, since apparently it isn’t smart enough to do that on its own.

“You do?”

EJ realizes he probably should have just stayed quiet. “I mean…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Rico interrupts quickly. “I was just surprised.” Rico goes back to looking at his phone, so EJ figures he doesn’t need to respond. He finishes setting up the computer and projector so they can watch a movie, then spins around in his chair so he’s looking at Rico. He knows he should take Ashlyn’s advice and talk to Rico, but he doesn’t really know what to say.

“You okay, dude?” Rico says after a few minutes.

EJ doesn’t expect to hear himself say, “No.”

“Oh.” Apparently Rico hadn’t been expecting that answer either. He puts his phone down. “What’s up? Do you want to talk about it?”

There it is, the perfect in to talk about the exact thing EJ doesn’t want to talk about. But he knows deep down, he _does_ want to talk about it. He’s wanted answers ever since kissing his first girlfriend didn’t leave fireworks exploding in his stomach. At least, not the good kind.

“Ashlyn told me you’re aromantic,” EJ blurts out. “Don’t be mad at them!” he adds immediately after. “It’s just… I was talking to them about my relationship problems, and they told me it sounded to them like I might be aromantic, and,” EJ sighs, “I dunno.” He looks down. He doesn’t know what to say.

“Huh.” Rico leans back. “You know, it kinda makes sense.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“What guy gets with Nini Salazar-Roberts _and_ Kourtney Miller _and_ Kaden Dayton, and just... chills when things end? Nini and Kaden are, like, my top two people I would date if I had to, and Kourtney has everything every guy wants - she’s gorgeous, she’s good at makeup, she’s sweet but also sassy, and she’s completely unavailable to them.”

EJ doesn’t know how he feels about that. He knows he still doesn’t like this word being attached to him, because it doesn’t make him feel good about himself. “Rico, I can’t be aromantic.”

“Why not?” Rico’s eyes seem to stare into EJ’s soul. “What’s so bad about it?”

“I-- Rico, I’m one of East High’s star athletes! I’m the kind of guy who’s supposed to be crowned Prom King with his high school sweetheart as his queen. I’m going to college on an athletic scholarship. I’m supposed to graduate from that and end up marrying either my high school sweetheart or a girl I met in college, and we’re supposed to have a house with a white picket fence and two kids.”

Rico sits forward and EJ really does not like the look on his face. “You keep using that phrase - _‘supposed to’_ . You’re _supposed to_ do this, you’re _supposed to_ do that. But EJ, in the end, the only person who can decide what makes you happy is you. If romance doesn’t make you happy, why bother chasing it? Who the hell cares what society tells you you’re _supposed to_ do with your life? No one - not your parents, not Ashlyn, not me, not any of the kids in this theatre department, not any of the kids on your water polo team - _no one_ can decide what your happy ever after looks like, besides you.”

EJ thinks about what Rico has just told him. He thinks about what Ashlyn said about how realizing they were a lesbian was freeing, because it meant they didn’t have to pretend anymore. EJ is so tired of pretending to like kissing people, and he is so tired of pretending he has crushes on people he just wants to be friends with, and he is _so tired_ of having no idea who he is or what he wants for his life.

And something clicks into place in his mind.

“Rico?”

“Yes?”

EJ’s voice is impossibly quiet when he lets the words, “I’m aromantic,” slip from his lips.

Rico must hear him anyways, because he grins and says, “Dude. I’m so proud of you.”

EJ can’t recall anyone being proud of him before. At least, not proud enough that they tell him. Maybe it’s those words, or maybe it’s the fact that he finally understands who he is, but EJ starts crying. Rico is there, though, and he pulls EJ into a hug and that makes EJ cry harder.

EJ doesn’t know how long it is before he hears footsteps coming up the stairs and he breaks away from Rico, trying to quickly wipe his tears away. It’s Ashlyn who emerges at the top of the stair case.

Rico looks between them. “I’m gonna go back down. Check and make sure Bianca’s alright.” He pops an earbud into his ear and scrambles down the stairs.

“Are you okay?” Ashlyn asks.

“I’m sorry.”

Ashlyn walks over to EJ. “For?”

“For being so upset at you. You were right, but I didn’t want you to be. I--” the words get caught in EJ’s throat for some reason. He’s already said them once, so why is the second time harder? “I _am_ aromantic. You were right.”

Ashlyn doesn’t taunt him. They don’t say _“I told you so”_ or _“I knew it”_. Instead, they hug him and whisper, “I love you. You know that, right?”

EJ laughs, but it sounds like a sob. “Yeah. I love you too, Ash.”

They pull away but keep their hands on EJ’s arms. “So, did you get the projector set up?”

“Oh.” EJ wipes his tears. “Yeah, yeah. What movie do you want to watch? I logged into your Disney+ account, so I figure you should get to choose.”

Ashlyn rolls their eyes at that, then sits down at the computer and scrolls through the options for a few minutes before deciding on _Meet the Robinsons_.

\---

When EJ makes his way down from the light and sound booth into the house, he sees everyone seems to be paired up with someone else. Seb and Carlos are cuddled together, Ricky and Red are cuddled together, Nini and Gina are cuddled together, Kaden and Lauryn are cuddled together, Ashlyn, Kourtney, and Bianca are cuddled together.

Rico is sitting alone, though.

EJ takes the seat next to Rico. “Anyone sitting here?”

“Just you.”

They watch the movie in silence for a few minutes before Rico speaks up. “Kinda sucks that everyone else has a partner besides us, huh?”

“I don’t know,” EJ replies, because he really doesn’t. “Does it?”

Rico looks over at him, his expression saying something along the lines of, _“Huh. I didn’t think you had it in you”_. “I guess not.”

“You know, the hand holding and the cuddling at the movies is the one thing I’ll miss about relationships, though,” EJ comments, his eyes drifting from Seb and Carlos to Nini and Gina and then back to Rico.

Rico cracks a smile. “Who says you need to be in a relationship to do that?” He fakes a yawn and puts his arm over EJ’s shoulder. EJ tenses at first, but then he remembers that Rico doesn’t want anything in return. He’s not expecting EJ to kiss him, and he's _definitely_ not expecting EJ to enjoy it.

So EJ relaxes, and he leans his head on Rico’s shoulder. “This is nice,” he whispers. And for once, he isn't lying.

“Yeah,” Rico agrees. “It is.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always, you can find me on twitter @ pepperchuk


End file.
